Alien report on condition humans call "DEPRESSION"

The following is an excerpt from a top secret report rumoured to have been distributed within the National Security Agency (NSA) earlier this year. The existence of the report has not been verified but the contents are believed to have been obtained as part of alien communications intercepted by chance using techniques developed in the 1940s and used through the 1950s in Project SIGMA. 

Depression

Depression is categorized by humans as a mental health disorder. It is widespread within the human population (121 million humans) but is also known to occur in other animal species on planet Earth. It appears that the other animals are most at risk of depression when in contact with humans.

Symptoms

A consuming feeling that separates a human from reality and results in a "depressed state" with a loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep, distrubed appetite, low energy and poor concentration. It restricts a humans ability to maintain relationships, difficulties working and they struggle to lead a "normal" life often resulting in the sufferer withdrawing from contact with other human beings.

Cause and spread

The cause of depression is varied and can be different for each individual but research suggests that parents of sufferers are ultimately to blame as without them this disorder would eventually cease to exist.

Depression may be passed on through human genes but the presence of these genes is not required to get it. It is a highly contagious disorder that can spread without phsyical contact and with symptoms that will affect the majority of people who come into contact with a carrier. Human family members are particularly vunerable to catching depression. Research has identified that it is possible that although a person may not exhibit symptoms of depression they may be a carrier and cause depression in others.

Effective treatment

Frequently treated with stigma and disbelief and widely believed to be cured by increasing the height of an item of clothing known by the humans as "socks" (optimum length of socks has not yet been determined). The most effective treatment of depression is a widespread culling programme which the humans appear to already be putting in place in Iraq, Afghanistan, Georgia and other areas of the planet.

Recommendation

The human population has implemented a programme called "religion" which in turn has led to various culling projects known as "wars" which have successfully killed millions of people. Unfortunately, religion appears to be a failing programme which has lost momentum and our own attempts at restarting the programme through our scientology project has attracted many high ranking humans but has not been as effective as we would wish.

Fortunately the humans have started a new project called "global warming" which is likely to be of greater success but until this programme has been completed the planet earth will remain inhabitable by ourselves.

This report makes fascinating reading and I am sure other Alien reports on mental health disorders must exist. If you know of any other similar reports please let me know.