The phrase "a leopard cannot change it's spots" is frequently used to suggest that people are unable to change and in my experience most people seem to believe that you are unable to change your personality, that it's fixed in stone and no matter how hard we might want it we are never going to change. I don't agree with this and I'm going to explain why...

What is a personality?
For me, your combined physical, mental and emotional state define your personality but I guess each of us probably has our own ideas of what makes up someones personality.

The personality contradictions
Interestingly, the same people who use phrases such as "a leopard cannot change it's spots" or "it's fixed in stone" are the same people who are likely to say "I was a different person when I was younger", "you were different before we married" or suggest that something "changed their life". You can't have it both ways either people can change or they can't!

What about genetics?
Yes, I'm no expert but as far as I'm aware your genes are pretty much fixed and cannot change and I would have to concede that genetics play some part in defining our personalities. I believe that genetics play a part in defining our personality and that behaviours and characteristics can override or change the impact a particularly gene might have.

Nature vs Nurture
Do you think that your personality is somehow pre-defined or do you believe that your environment can alter the way that you think and behave? If you had abusive, alcoholic parents then I would imagine that this would effect anybodies personality in a different way to someone who experienced a full loving and caring relationship with their parents. In fact much like a leopards spots change as they get older I believe that our experiences do the same for us.

Conclusion
The research is clear that significant events such as a loved one dying or parents splitting up can effect our behaviour, our traits and characteristics. I think that most people can appreciate that war, poverty and hunger can change the way that you see things. Personality change is often gradual and typically happens based on desires from within and I think my ex-wife was right that she wouldn't be able change me unless it was something I wanted as well. The problem is that we may not see the personality problems that others see and therefore have no desire to change but I hope that you do agree that personality change is at least possible.