At times I feel like I have to be in total control of everything. Everything is assessed for risk and my behaviour and mood are changed accordingly to try and minimize the risk of things happening to me which are out of my control. In the past this sort of behaviour even dictated to me which petrol station I should use and whether I should the risk of running the cars on vapours was less of a risk than going into a unfamiliar petrol station.

During my career in IT people have found my CV to be confusing; Hardware Engineer, Software Support, Software Developer, Unix System Administrator, Database Administrator and Project Manager are all roles I have done and in my mind I have explained this away by saying that I fit into whatever role people need me to perform but if I'm honest I really believe I have avoided becoming a specialist so that I do not get cornered in a role that I don't enjoy or find limits my ability to move companies. This is another example of me trying to manage risk and take control.

Looking back I know realize that this isn't really control. Being in control would mean taking risks based on what would make me happy and not based on reducing the risk of things that might not even happen making me unhappy. In the past I have spent so much time, effort and energy on things that make winning the National Lottery look like a dead cert and it's now time to change.

It's difficult assessing risk because sometimes the risk of something happening seems really small but because the consequences of the thing happening are so big that this colours my view. For example; The chances of being involved in a plane crash are about 1 in 11 million but the chances of being involved in a car crash are about 1 in 5000 but the plane crash can seem more risky because the chances of me walking away from a plane crash seem a lot smaller than my chances of surviving a car crash. In my mind therefore I might get into a car without considering the risks but flying in a aeroplane could seem too risky to even consider. 

A healthier way of making decisions and dealing with risks is to base them on:-

• What would make me happy.
• What is the most likely thing to happen.