I was pretty good at sports when I was younger but it was purely luck and I never really took it very seriously. Running and playing football was great fun but as I grew older the fun was taken out of it because of my competitors didn't like it when I won and if I lost they would make it even worse - so win or lose I couldn't win (if you see what I mean).

Anyway, watching the Olympics this year has been great. Watching the winners celebrate their achievements has been fantastic, watching people win who never expected to even get a medal has been great and also Team GB are doing very well.

But what has perhaps been most interesting is the way that many of the competitors have overcome some terrible obstacles to achieve their dreams of Olympic success. For example just watching the weightlifting I heard that it was just over a year ago when Gold medalist Matthias Steiner lost his wife in a car accident and Silver medalist Evgeny Chigishev was seriously injured in a stabbing in 2001. Many of the athletes in these games have failed in previous attempts, sometimes in heartbreaking fashion but somehow they have overcome these situations to carry on and win. And I haven't even mentioned the Paraolympics!!!

It would be interesting to learn how these athletes manage to overcome their dissapointments. Are they just competitive? Is it because they have the right kind of support? Have they learnt to handle defeat through training? Could those of us with mental health problems who struggle with life learn something from the Olympians?

I mentioned in my last post about Mindfullness stress reduction. If you are interested here is a video from Jon Kabat-Zinn where he discusses the techniques used.

"The Third Wave" tells a story of a teacher who provides a powerful lesson about Nazi Germany and more importantly a lesson about what appears to be our natural human desires and needs. The story very much reflects my own experience and has reminded me of how my desires and needs have shaped me and effect my depression and anxiety.

Also, the Jehovah Witnesses are a frequent visitor to our doorstep and on the last visit I accepted a book (bible type thing) from them and said I would read some of it (which I have). They have also asked to come back to discuss their beliefs with me for 10 minutes which much to my parners surprise I accepted (I am an athiest). When I explained to my partner that the Jehovah Witnesses have something that I was interested in she was even more surprised but I went on to explain that they have a very strong religious belief, that many people find religion gives them strength in situations such as mine and that I might be able to learn something about this trait by listening to them. Personally, I find religion to be very much in line with the story of "The Third Wave" but I hope that how other people gain strength from religious beliefs might help me gain strength in my own beliefs (although not religous) and increase my confidence and self-esteem.

I don't have high hopes of getting much out of the meeting but not working means I have spare time during the day so I haven't got anything to lose. 

This could just be me but having a mental health problem often leaves me feeling quite guilty. Here are a few of my guilty feelings:-

Others suffered worse but don't seem to have these problems!

I think: When I think back to when my problems began I don't think that my childhood was anywhere near as bad as some of the other children that I had come across. So, it seems odd that my life should grind to a halt.

Therapist says: Most people have positive and negative experiences during life and use both sets of experiences during their life. Although your experiences may not have been as bad as other peoples it might be that my lack of positive experiences has left you with mostly the negative experiences on to help you through life.

I say: I accept that this is possible but I still feel very guilty.

I've grown up now why should my childhood still affect me so much?

I think: I am in my thirties now and yet my childhood experiences still very much shape my behavior. It seems to me that in some ways I have yet to grow up. 

Therapist says:  That seems perfecty reasonable considering the experiences you have had. 

I say:  It might be reasonable but it still makes me feel guilty.

Other people suffer from depression and anxiety but still manage to carry on with life!

I think: Since telling people about my problems I have come across countless other people who have suffered or are suffering from depression and anxiety. The majority of these people get on with their lives without having to take months off of work.

Therapist says:  Nothing! Actually, I didn't mention this one to the therapist but I reckon who would have said something along the lines of... You carried on for many years and have been quite successful. Few of the people in your past would have been aware of your mental state and I would imagine that they think you are getting along fine and doing well.

I say:  Yes, I know but I still feel guilty.

Hmmm, think I'm going to have to do something about feeling guilty.

I have been taking Trazadone for about 3 weeks now and I am waiting for my doctor to prescribe me an alternative due to the side-effects. At first it didn't seem to help me to get to sleep but did help me sleep better once I was asleep. Now, I think it is starting to help me get to sleep but the constipation, nausea, headaches, faintness/dizzyness and lose of coordination are definitely causing me problems. The doc is looking at prescribing me an anti-histamine instead.

It must be quite frustrating for medical staff dealing with people like me who seem prone to having problems the side-effects of medication